Cold Revenge and the prefects badge
by seriouslyfunnysirius
Summary: Hermione was afraid, for reasons noone knew about. Who is the one who will help her? Will she help him in return? With the Final Battle looming, allies made in unlikely places may just win the war. But for which side? DHr.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I do not won HP - That's the best news of my life! **

**Revenge of the prefect's badge **

Chap 1: **OROB and the Flashie Backie**

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Wild winds stormed around the Castle of Death. I looked over my shoulder. No sign of Dobby. "Good, the coast is clear." I murmured.

How that dammed elf knew what I was up to I'll never know. But know _he_ did.

"Have to stay alert." I thought. No need to draw attention to myself by using majic powers in the Muggleland.

"What? That was close." I trembled with anticipation the prize was in sight. Just a few more moments and this story, dear reader, will be over. Time to reflect on the how, on the why, on the whatever……..

Was it only 5 days ago when the despicable Dan Radcliffe walked into my private rooms at the Min of Maj? Hard to believe, but true…..

Flashie-backie.

"What are you up to, Orob?" Dan'd said. "No good I imagine."

How young 5th Form students thought they could speak to prefects in such an off-hand manner was beyond me. Was it then that the idea first formed to put an end to DR? Probably. Majestic thoughts filled my magnificent mind. Time for the spell I'd been conjuring up for what seemed like forever, "Cup-in-a-Mug, cup-in-a-mug. Eye of muggle, skin of slug. Make DR no more-o. Make Dan die tomorrow."

DR's response? He just laughed in my face. "Call that a spell? You pathetic octogenarian prefect."

These words hurt. No one, especially when they are 84, like to be reminded that they have been stuck in the Upper 6th for over 60 years. Like it was my fault. It had been DR's Great, Grandad, Ran Dadcliffe, that had spoiled the undoubted Darkart career I had laid before me. Was it only 67 years ago? Hard to believe, but true……...

Flashie-backie 67 years ago.

"What you up to, Orob" Ran'd said. "No good I imagine."

How that young 5th former thought he could speak to me, a prefect, in such an off-hand manner was beyond me. Was it then that the idea first formed to put an end to him? Probably. Majestic thoughts filled my magnificent mind. Time for the spell I'd been conjuring up all day "Cup-in-a-Mug, cup-in-a-mug. Eye of muggle, skin of slug. Make RD no more-o. Make Ran die tomorrow."

My spell backfired when Ran just laughed in my face. "Call that a spell? You pathetic moronic prefect?"……….

But now cold revenge was within my grasp. Just a few moments more. Look. There. Is that it? Is this the sweet taste of revenge I taste on my lips? It is delicious.

My old prefect's badge glimmered in the cut grass of the lawn of the Castle of Death. I reached out. I could almost feel it in my hand. But. A hand pressed on my shoulder. Hand did I say? More like a claw. An elf claw. It could only mean one thing. Dobby had found me!…

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**AN**- Two years worth of work follows. Please review and please be kind!

I'd like to thank my Beta, Fudge, and her best friend, Cup-In-A-Mug!

R&R!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I hereby declare that I do not own Harry Potter.**

**Cold Revenge and the prefects badge**

**Chapter 2: Croquet surprise!**

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"Remove that damned hand NOW!" I cried.

"But master, I've come to help ye." A nervous voice replied.

"What?" thought I , "Could it be the nervous scotish chipmonk herself? I looked around, very, very slowly. "AGH!" a bright light shone directly into my very soul from her glazed-crazed croquet ball eyes. Yes, it was McWink.

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**AN – Please read and review! I love you all!  
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	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: No animals were harmed during the making of this chapter. Elves however ... I DO NOT OWN HP ETC.

Cold Revenge of the Prefects Badge!

Chapter 3: The search for the Holy Goil

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The delight that was in the mind of HiMyonnie knew no bounds. "Oh JOY!" she thought. However Joy was not around to talk to so she had to make do with that horrible pest, POTTER. How she despised him. Still even his presence could not completely dim the delight she felt.

For HiMyonnie was in LOVE. YES! It had finally happened. Gone were those silly girlhood days when she would waste her time studying when there was Goil of Slitherin to dream of all the long day long….Ah, at the mere thought of him she was filled again with, and there was no other word for it, she was filled with DELIGHT.

"Pottie," she snarled "Get your lazy ass over here now and do my homework for me. I'm off on a date with my man."

Potter dragged himself across the room to the table upon which stood a pile of unfinished homework which had to be in the next morning. (AN. We all know that one don't we dear reader!). "Yes, Miss HiMyonnie." He muttered and sat down to what promised to be a long night of study ahead of him.

HiMyonnie swanned out of the room leaving behind only the mearest trace of her heavenly perfume upon the air. "Damn!" thought Potter "and to think she was almost mine. How I hate that Dobbie Elf Swine. He's ruined my life – him and his bloody socks!"

As HiMyonnie walked across the quad, her heart so light, Goil was admiring himself in the mirror as he shaved his chins. "SHE will be on her way." He thought "Ah another evening of bliss with my beloved! And to think it was all down to Dobbie. My whole life was changed once he brought to me the PREFECT's Badge."

He slapped on copious amounts of aftershave – only Slitherin Old Spice & Mustard was good enough for someone like HiMyonnie.

Just then hail began to beat upon his leaded window frame. Rat-Tat-Tat it went as only hail does. (AN This does not develop the story at all but I think it is entirely in keeping with JR's style, n'est pas?).

At that moment HiMyonnie burst into Goil's room and immediately into his arms. "My only love." She cried.

And there we will leave our happy lovers and go back to the main thread of the story…what is happening to Orob? What has become of Dobbie? These and other questions may well be answered in Chapter IV.

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R&R

Love from Author.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I am not now and never have been a member of the HP fan club.**

**Chapter 4: The New Headmaster**

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Since accessing the power of the Prefect's Badge Dobbie's powers seemed to know no limits.

His appointment as GobWarts Headmaster was surely conclusive evidence of this. The Min. of Maj. was powerless to intervene. The whole of the wizarding & witchie world appeared to have gone over to the Dark Arts lock, stock and two smoking bladdersworth. (AN "And about time too!" I hear you say, dear reader. How many HP diatribes have there been where the boring 'goodies' always come out on top? At last a story with some reality not to mention great literary style.)

"Come, McWink." ordered Dobbie. (AN Actually, at the risk of some digression, things had moved on so much in JR-world that our hero, Dobbie, was now referred to by all and Saturday as the " Enlightened Living Fantastico Indomitable & Enigmatic" or ELFIE for short.)

"Here I am, Oh ELFIE." whimpered and snivelled McWink. (AN In fact she had turned into a whimpering and snivelling jellymessy ever since her runaway marriage to the Scottish Highlands two years previously. It was from this time that she had become addicted to Warlock Haggis and had insisted they were served as Dish of the Day everyday the Pigsmeade Pub much to the disgruntlement of the locals who were getting heartily fed up of this dish but did not dare express their thoughts in fear of a deadly reaction from the mighty McWimp. Already she had turned the ferrymaster into a life sized tartancloth version of Britney Spears, so small wonder everyone was afeared.)

"Here's what I want you to do, McWink." spoketh Dobbie in a confidential manner "You must go into the Great Hall of PigsWorth and bring me back the head of master POTTER. You will find him doing HiMyonnie's homework. HiMyonnie is off courting Goil so she'll be tied up for hours. The coast will be clear enough and POTTER will give you no trouble – his obstructive powers are all but spent. Ha Ha Ha! Now, be off with you! Oh, and no dropping off at the Pub for Warlock Haggis or I'll have your head displayed on a plate. BE GONE!"

Now it may have been that McWink would never have thought about going to the Pub if Dobbie had not mentioned it, as it was, she certainly made a bee-line for the pub as soon as she was out of sight of ELFIE.

"Sixteen pints of Pigsworth Special Ale (PSA) she ordered and a Dish of the Day, NOW!" she snivelled and whimpered in a loud voice.

Soon she was scoffing Haggis, with an extra helping of hag on the side, and was so engrossed in quaffing her beer that she never noticed THE CREATURE that slid in through the pub door and seated itself in the farthest, darkest, dirtiest, foulest, stickiest, stinkiest, tackiest, smelliest, cornflackiest corner of the pub.

Who is THE CREAURE? Does this spell the end for McWink? Could you do 16 pints of PSA in one sitting? Will Chapter 5 provide all answers? Find out tomorrow.

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**AN- Thankyou for reading please review!  
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	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: So sorry – I was just applying to by the rights to HP, etc when my dog ate the paperwork – hard to believe, uh?**

**Chapter 5: Creature or Drunkard?**

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In the farthest, darkest, dirtiest, foulest, stickiest, stinkiest, tackiest, smelliest, cornflackiest corner of the pub the Creature stirred. After putting down its spoon it slithered, slid, slinked, slothed. slumped and sleuthed its way towards the, now tippsy, McWink. Over the top of her final and 16th Pigsworth Special Ale (PSA) (Trade Mark) she noticed it approach her. Nearer and nearer it came. Nearer and nearer it came. Closer and closer. Closer and closer. Nearer and nea… (AN I think you'll get the point but I am trying to capture the authentic style of the JKR original).

"Why, Doubledoor the 9th?" McWink spluttered quizzically. "Is, is, is it truly you?"

"Yes, McWink, you drunken bloody elf, 'course it's me." answered Doubledoor the 9th (AN Doubledoor the 9th is also referred to as D-9 which was not only easier to say but also, and this is **_soooo_** important to an author, but also a lot quicker to write – I mean just look at the number of letters,including the superscript "th" , it saves one having to write. All you budding authors – this is a tip for free. Thanks in my reviews, svp) (AN Talking of reviews a big up for Berrtie Bots – all those regular hoards of readers, you must be feeling pretty sick now, while Berrtie, you must be walking on cloud 7).

D-9 (AN Check out the immediate use of my labour saving tip, neat huh?) gave McWink a steady, piercing look, "I've come for the answer to my question. You know what I want to know. ANSWER ME NOW!" he demanded.

"I, I, I can't. It's not allowed. ELFIE'd kill me if I did." squeaked McWink.

"Look here, I'll bloody kill you if you don't tell me." screamed D-9 (AN Neat 2nd use of shortened version, eh?).

"But it's not allowed. Oh please don't force me to do it.""For Vodaphone's sake. Just tell me your first name. If you don't I'll cast a spell so terrible that you'll wish you were never born. You miserable Hibernian-ised excuse for an elf."

"OK.OK. OK. I'll tell you. Come closer. No one else must hear what I SAY. You know that elves 1st names should never be uttered out loud. But you forced me to do it. OK. Here goes. My first name is….…"

Just at that moment a booming voice announced, "TIME GENTLEMEN, WOMEN, ELVES, ODD CREATUES, WARLOCK WHO ESCAPED BEING TURNED INTO HAGGIS DISH-OF-THE-DAY, WEREWOLVES, OGRES, MAGICAL CREATURES, CORNFLAKES, MIN. OF MAJ. OFFICIALS IN DISGUISE, FAKE FRENCH ACCENTED MERMAIDS, TIME PLEASE. HAVEN'T YOU LOT GOT COVERNS TO GO TO?"

"OK." said D-9 "You escape this time, McWink. But the hour will come, and it will come soon. I **_will_** have your 1st name and then the Prefect's Badge will be mine. It's only a mater of time and I can be Headmaster once again. Then I can be the very wise and all-knowing (even though I allow murder, mayhem and untold objectionable happenings to, well, just happen in my school) Headmaster once again. GobWarts Headmaster once again, do you hear? Do you hear me McWink?"

"Oh, do shut it D-9!" shouted all the gentlemen, women, elves, odd creatures, etc "We're trying to have a quiet final drink if you don't mind."

D-9 sloped off and out the door.

"Hummmm." Thought McWink "That was damn close. Now what was it that ELFIE ordered me to do? Oh, yes the head of POTTER! Better get on with it I suppose."

McWink left the Pigsmeade Pub, light of heart, looking forward to the task that lay ahead.

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**AN Could it be true HP getting his come-upance at long last. We can only live in hope, dear reader. Tune in again soon for the next fascinatig Disclaimer.**

**R&R!**


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